How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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