Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
