I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
