For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
