You can't special order awesome
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
