Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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