so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am available for nakedness
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
