I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
