I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
