i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
