I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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