i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
