i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
