he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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