When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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