Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
