i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
