i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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