I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
