I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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