it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
