it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
