1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Randomize
