pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
