I skipped work to stalk him.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
