i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
