i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
