fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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