you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
