i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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