can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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