I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Randomize
