I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
