im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
