Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
