her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
