fuck your aforementioned shoe
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize