This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
