If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
