I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
