Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
