If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
