Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
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