Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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