i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
