Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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