saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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