How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think people are normalizing furries
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
