There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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