I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
