Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
True strength comes from lack of pants
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
