Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
