there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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