So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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