I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
