I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's blow job season.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
