He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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