Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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