i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
