you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
