I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
