i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
