I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
