I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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