Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
