Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Acid is not a monday night drug
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
