I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
